For younger generations raised with smartphones, one phone feature is often avoided at all costs: the call button.
Smartphone ubiquity has made ringing someone up just one option among many. Today, we can send a text, email, DM, or voice note, and actual calls have lost favor.
Somewhere along the way, calling without warning became less a casual way to catch up and more an annoyance — or even a signal that an emergency has occurred. Yet spontaneous calls still have supporters, and etiquette experts told Themoneytimes that they can foster connection and clarity in real time.
Why did unplanned phone calls fade?
Unplanned calls once meant just that: you called a friend because you were thinking of them, wanted to share a recipe, or simply missed hearing their voice, with no need to schedule it.
Could abandoning those impromptu conversations be costing us? Might reviving the casual check-in call benefit our relationships, stress levels, and general well-being?
Mary Jane Copps, a communication specialist known as the Phone Lady, says the change is not simply about younger generations favoring texts.
Rather, it reflects evolving technology, shifting expectations, and the fact that our phones now travel with us constantly. Unlike earlier generations, today’s calls can interrupt people at any moment — whether they are working, driving, handling errands, or resting.
Copps notes that a wall phone meant calls usually reached people at home, while modern phones can ring while they are asleep, in a meeting, or skateboarding.
The shift is not only about inconvenient timing. Our communication habits have changed because technology now offers endless alternatives.
Copps points out that although we call it a phone, it is essentially a computer with a phone app, giving choices to text, email, or connect on LinkedIn instead of calling.
Calling has not vanished; it has simply become one channel among many. With texts, DMs, emails, and video calls competing for attention, dialing someone is no longer the default move.
Why the call button can feel alarming
For Cassie Leigh, 30, an unexpected call seldom feels casual. It often signals that something is wrong. She says seeing a call, particularly from family, makes her assume it is urgent rather than a simple text, and the experience feels unsettling.
Leigh adds that texting feels more natural because it gives her time to consider her response. It allows her to pause and shape what she wants to say instead of blurting it out.
Although she is not a fan of phone calls, Leigh is open to hearing someone’s voice. She also likes voice messages because they do not demand an instant reply, and she can edit her own before sending.
Copps says that need for control is why texting feels comfortable. Texting or emailing gives people time to think and edit, without requiring an immediate response.
Why some people still prefer phone calls
For some people, the absence of a script is not a weakness; it is precisely what makes a phone call feel more personal.
Maggie Cornejo, 27, says phone calls provide something texts cannot. She values the human connection — hearing someone’s voice, hearing jokes, and being able to ask follow-up questions.
Remote work has also made those moments of connection more meaningful for her.
Cornejo says she is often alone all day because she does not work in an office, and chatting with a friend she has not seen in a while can feel energizing.
Even so, Cornejo sees herself as in the minority among her friends when it comes to enjoying phone calls.
She has a few close friends with an unspoken understanding that they call each other and play phone tag, and that works perfectly. But with some friends, an out-of-the-blue call would make them wonder if something had gone wrong.
Texting, meanwhile, can sometimes feel like another task to manage, and without vocal tone it can invite misunderstandings. In some cases, hearing someone’s voice can clear up confusion more quickly than exchanging messages on a screen.
Cornejo argues that confusion will not disappear by continuing to text or email; it is the sound of a person’s voice that can remove it.
Should we revive phone calls?
So should we call or not? For Copps, the answer is not to abandon phone calls entirely or expect everyone to answer every time. Instead, it is about remembering what calls can provide that other communication forms cannot: real-time connection.
Texting can build connection, too, but phone conversations can allow people to develop deeper relationships through empathy, compassion, and simply hearing another person’s voice.
That does not mean everyone should start calling without consideration. As with any form of communication, etiquette still matters.
Mariah G. Humbert, an etiquette expert and Gen Z herself, does not automatically view an unexpected phone call as rude. A casual call can still be a thoughtful way to catch up, but some conversations deserve more care, she explains.
Humbert says that if the purpose of the call is to discuss something sensitive or potentially difficult, that is when you should consider whether it is the right place or time.
The same applies to the now-common ‘Can I call you?’ text. Although it may appear polite, the wording can sometimes create as much stress as a spontaneous call.
Humbert notes that a text meant to schedule a phone call can generate a lot of anxiety. Messages such as ‘Can I call you later?’ or ‘I need to discuss something with you’ can send the recipient into a spiral.
Instead, she recommends providing context about why you want to talk so the other person knows what to expect. Still, an occasional spontaneous call can be meaningful, especially when it comes from someone you are already close to.
Humbert encourages people to check in on those they are close to simply to see how they are doing.
Perhaps part of becoming comfortable with phone calls again is allowing yourself to feel a little uncomfortable at first. Copps suggests starting small: call someone who has been on your mind, leave a voicemail, or send a voice message instead of another text.
After all, sometimes the best way to overcome this hang-up is to stop overthinking it and simply pick up the line.