We’ve been taught to see confidence as a personality trait reserved for the charismatic. In leadership, it’s often mistaken for visibility and the ability to command a room.
According to bestselling author and inspirational speaker Roxie Nafousi, we’ve got confidence all wrong.
In her new book Confidence, released today in the U.S., Nafousi explains that confidence isn’t about flash, hype or noise at all. It’s the natural byproduct of something far deeper: self-worth.
“Confidence is the ability to walk into a room and be unapologetically yourself, and walk out of it not worrying what everyone else thought of you,” she shared with me over the phone.
Yet most of us do the opposite. We walk into rooms overthinking everything, then replay the conversation on a loop later. Did I seem smart enough? Interesting enough? Too much? Not enough?
When your self-worth is internal and intact, you no longer need to people-please or perform. You no longer need to prove anything.
Nafousi, known for her bestselling book Manifest, brings the same structured approach to confidence with her eight-step framework.
That’s the thing about confidence: it’s actually an essential part of manifesting successfully. Step 2 in Manifest is “Remove fear and doubt” – so when you have a high sense of self-worth and confidence, fear and doubt are more likely to be removed.
Lack of confidence and low self-worth come at a cost.
It’s the promotion you don’t pursue, the raise you’re afraid to ask for, the dreams you ignore to fit the room. It’s playing small, staying stuck, people-pleasing, and not setting boundaries for fear of disappointing others.
A study published in 2024 by Harvard Business School revealed that talented women often don’t apply to jobs or promotions unless they meet every single qualification (a level of scrutiny not typically reported by men).
Another study found that 79% of women reported lacking confidence at work, significantly higher than men. Many cited lack of confidence as a barrier to negotiating salary, asking for promotions, or pursuing advancement.
The other thing about confidence and self-worth? It’s something we can all cultivate.
“Confidence is not a luxury – it’s the key to living a fulfilled, authentic life. Without it, we’re held hostage by our own insecurities,” Nafousi writes in the book.
Here are the biggest myths about confidence — and the real reason a lack of self-worth keeps you playing small.
Myth #1: Confidence Is Loud.
Reality: Real confidence is grounded in self-worth — a quiet knowing, not a performance.
We’re conditioned to believe the most confident person in the room is the one speaking the loudest or taking up the most space.
Nafousi challenges that completely. She tells me: “Confidence isn’t loud. It isn’t performative. And it isn’t born from others validating you. It’s quiet and rooted in authenticity.”
And here’s the reframe: The people who move in silence aren’t insecure, they’re grounded and unshakeable.
In a culture that measures visibility and speed, founders, creatives and entrepreneurs often assume they must be extroverted to appear confident.
But sometimes the more stealth and silent you are, the more people don’t see you coming.
And when you do… it lands.
Myth #2: Confidence Comes As A Result Of External Validation.
Reality: Real confidence is the expression of self-worth — a belief in your own value before anyone else recognizes it.
This is where most people misunderstand confidence entirely.
Nafousi told me this (and this sentiment is one of the ones I highlighted the most in the book):
“Self-worth is knowing you are enough, exactly as you are.”
And sure, it can come from a healthy form of validation, but validation can’t be the foundation.
External validation — press, praise, revenue, followers, industry lists — feels fantastic and delivers a wonderful dopamine hit, but it can never be the source of confidence.
This is why some people struggle to feel fulfilled and present, even while building momentum professionally and getting all the accolades.
Real self-worth is the unlock that makes confidence sustainable and makes it easier to no get derailed by comparison culture or get pulled into a rabbit hole of others’ highlight reels.
Myth #3: Confident People Never Experience Fear or Self-Doubt.
Reality: Everyone has self-doubt, but self-worth prevents doubt from defining you.
Nafousi shared that even during her biggest career moments (such as sold-out speaking engagements and selling over 1 million copies of Manifest), she battled private insecurity. She found confidence in her purpose and calling, but outside of work, she was “riddled with insecurity and self-doubt.” She analyzed everything she said and replayed social interactions in her mind.
Self-doubt is universal, but self-worth is what changes your relationship to doubt.
It allows you to take risks, make decisions, pitch yourself to the press and venture capitalists, and withstand rejection without feeling the desire to quit.
For founders who live in a world of “99 no’s,” this distinction is life-changing.
Confidence isn’t the absence of fear. Confidence is the belief that fear doesn’t diminish your worth.
Myth #4: Confidence Is About How You Present Yourself.
Reality: Confidence is about how you speak to yourself.
Nafousi emphasizes that confidence begins with her inner dialogue.
She explained: “Your thoughts shape your beliefs and your beliefs shape your identity.”
The goal here is not fake positivity, it’s a way to train your mind to believe in limitless thinking and adopting an abundant mindset.
This is where confidence can become a high-performance tool and lead to grit. Your inner voice is either your greatest saboteur or your biggest cheerleader.
Self-worth is what determines which one leads.
Myth #5: Confidence Is Something You Either Have Or You Don’t.
Reality: Confidence can be cultivated — it’s learned, nurtured, strengthened, and available to everyone.
One of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that it’s innate. That some people simply “have it” and others don’t. Nafousi dismantles that entirely.
We are all born confident. Life — experiences, conditioning, comparison — teaches us doubt.
Confidence is something you rebuild through self-awareness, inner work, rewriting limiting beliefs, and speaking to yourself with kindness.
Here’s a reminder: Confidence is magnetic. Arrogance is cringe.
Confidence has a presence and a pull that people feel immediately. Not because it’s loud or boastful, but because it radiates ease, self-assuredness, and authenticity. There’s a magnetism that radiates from confident people, mostly because they are comfortable in themselves.
People gravitate toward leaders who are authentic and self-assured without trying to dominate a room.
Nafousi’s book reveals a deeper truth: cultivating confidence is a daily practice, not a personality trait. It’s the work that stops you from chasing validation, outsourcing your value, or proving yourself to anyone.
Because when you begin applying even a few of her eight steps, something shifts. Confidence starts to compound. You get more curious. You grow as a leader. You feel good when you can help others, purely out of a place of kindness. You begin to believe you can receive the “yes” and you keep going for it. And you feel the quiet, unshakeable joy of being unapologetically yourself.