In a business culture that often rewards outward performance—decisiveness, charisma, and control—Margaret C. Andrews invites leaders to turn inward.
Her book, Manage Yourself to Lead Others, challenges the assumption that leadership begins with managing others. Instead, she argues, it begins with managing yourself. Through years of executive education and coaching, Andrews has seen firsthand how blind spots, emotional habits, and misaligned intentions quietly shape leadership outcomes. Her message is clear: if you want to lead with clarity and credibility, start by looking in the mirror.
“Self-indulgence is the opposite of self-understanding,” Andrews says. “While self-indulgence is about excessive focus on gratification of our own appetites or desires, self-understanding is about clarity regarding who we are and what we want, as well as understanding how our behaviors affect others. It includes understanding the people, events, and ideas that have shaped our perceptions, what motivates us, what we value, and what we want to accomplish, both personally and professionally, and what we are willing to trade off to accomplish these things.”
She adds, “Doing the work to understand ourselves is a form of kindness. It’s kindness to ourselves to understand what drives us and therefore how to put ourselves in positions where we will thrive because they fit with our strengths, interests, and values. It’s also kindness to others we live and work with, because self-understanding helps us show up more consistently, comfortably, and genuinely, which helps build trust and long-term, productive relationships.”
What’s the most common blind spot she sees in seasoned executives?
“It shows up when someone tells me they feel misunderstood by the people they lead. Very often this is because they have very good intentions for being a good leader, but their behaviors don’t match those intentions.”
She offers examples: “Someone may want to be a great team leader and develop each member of the team but have a hard time delegating. In this case, the leader’s intentions are great, but the people they lead see them as a micromanager—the opposite of what they intended.”
Another? “Someone wants to be a better communicator and show people that they care, but when they’re with others they don’t let them complete their thoughts, they finish the other person’s sentences, or cut them off to tell them why their idea won’t work. What these executives, who often feel misunderstood, may not realize is that we judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our behaviors.”
Andrews emphasizes the importance of managing behavioral patterns. “Sometimes, executives think their willingness to roll up their sleeves and ‘do the work’ with their team, including jumping in to fix the situation when things are not going well, is good leadership behavior. However, this behavior is usually seen by their team as micromanaging or not trusting the team or the individuals on the team.”
She warns, “Rather than building trust and camaraderie, as the leader intended, this type of behavior can make people that report to the leader detach and put in less effort (because the leader will always jump in to ‘save the day’), and can even lead to team members taking less initiative and becoming less self-sufficient because they know that leader will always step in.”
So how does curiosity help leaders manage themselves more effectively?
“Emotions often drive our behaviors, so being curious about the emotions we’re having helps us to understand that emotion and pause to respond, rather than react. Being curious about our emotions, rather than denying that we’re having that emotion (e.g., ‘I’m fine’) or judging ourselves for having those emotions (e.g., ‘I shouldn’t feel this way’) helps us to pause before reacting.”
She also encourages curiosity about new approaches. “One way might be to approach it by using an alter ego and ask yourself, ‘How would X respond in this situation?’ The X might be an historical figure (e.g., Winston Churchill, Eleanor Roosevelt), superhero (e.g., Spider-Man, Wonder Woman), fictional character (e.g., Ted Lasso, Hermione Granger), animal (e.g., tiger, octopus), or person you know (e.g., the CEO, your next-door neighbor). You can channel this alter ego in learning a new behavior and responding in various situations.”
On the tension between confidence and humility, Andrews is pragmatic. “The tension between confidence and humility is just one of the paradoxes of leadership. And for a paradox, we want to think of ‘and’ rather than ‘or.’ How do we get the best of each ‘side’ of a paradox, while minimizing the problems of that ‘side?’”
She adds, “Showing too much confidence might make us come across as egotistical, unapproachable, or arrogant and showing too much humility might make us come across as lacking in confidence or being unsure of ourselves or our ideas. So, rather than being confident or humble, we can think about being confident and humble.”
And if she could whisper one truth into the ear of every new manager?
She repeats what she said earlier: “Remember that we judge ourselves by our intentions and others judge us by our behaviors.”