As a higher education professor, I’ve spent nearly two decades studying the rituals of the college-going process, including the transition from high school to college. Yet, no research article or expert advice could have prepared me for the emotional and financial tsunami that accompanied my son’s departure for college this fall. It’s a phenomenon I’ve come to call “memory nesting,” where parents engage in a frenzied, often subconscious, effort to capture and preserve every moment before their child leaves home.
This “memory nesting” involves a significant financial investment, with money spent on professional photographers, elaborate trips, expensive scrapbooking materials, and custom-made memorabilia. I justified the cap and gown photo sessions, catered graduation parties, and custom-engraved gifts as one-time expenses—final acts of parental love before my child embarked on his independent life. And wow, did those costs add up quickly.
But the real cost wasn’t just monetary. With the immense pressure to create the perfect, social media-worthy memory, I often found myself so caught up in documenting the moment that I failed to be genuinely present in it. More often than I care to admit, my focus shifted from enjoying our last few weeks together to meticulously choreographing and capturing an idealized version of them.
Five Ways to Embrace “Memory Nesting” Authentically
Instead of focusing on creating the perfect, staged memory, here are five ways parents can authentically connect with their graduating senior:
- Be present, not just a documentarian. Put the phone away and be with your people. Have a conversation without the pressure of capturing it on film. The feeling of the moment will be a more powerful memento than any photo.
- Focus on experiences over possessions. Take a spontaneous trip for ice cream, a long drive listening to their favorite music, or a simple walk together. These shared moments create lasting bonds.
- Budget accordingly. That final year in high school can be expensive, so shore up resources if you can before the first tuition bill hits.
- Embrace the small goodbyes. Instead of just focusing on the grand graduation party, acknowledge the smaller, daily “lasts.” The last time they drive home from school, the last family dinner before they leave, or the last time you help them with homework.
- Write a letter. A heartfelt, handwritten letter expressing your love, pride, and hopes for their future is something they can read and reread whenever they need to feel a sense of connection to home.