The culture that killed Charlie Kirk won’t be changed by politics. Only personal responsibility can cure it. In an era of unprecedented political violence, we have a choice: contribute to the toxic contagion or become catalysts for healing it.
When did we start mistaking fury for passion? When did outrage become our default setting, and contempt our go-to response for anyone who sees the world differently?
We’re living in an era of “engagement by enragement”—where algorithms are specifically engineered to push us further into ideological bunker zones of self-protection and righteous indignation. These platforms reward our worst impulses, where the angriest voices get the most attention, and where nuanced conversation gets drowned out by digital screaming matches. Social media companies have turned our differences into entertainment, our disagreements into blood sport, and our fellow citizens into enemies.
But here’s what the endless scroll won’t tell you: every click, every share, every heated comment is a choice. Every time you engage with content designed to make your blood boil, every time you pile onto someone’s “bad take,” every time you choose rage over reason—you’re not just consuming the toxicity, you’re contributing to it.
This can be a hard pill to swallow. But while we can look to those in power to role model the values and behaviors we’d most like to see, we must begin with the person we see when we look in the mirror. Who do you see? Do you see someone who’s been swept up in this cycle, sharing inflammatory content because it feels good to be right? Someone who dismisses colleagues with different political views rather than engaging with their humanity? Someone who’s been sitting on the sidelines, watching communities, families and democracy itself tear itself apart while telling yourself it’s “those other people” causing the problem? Or do you see someone actively seeking to heal divides and break the cycle?
We may not have pulled triggers or lit fires, but we are all responsible because we are all response-able. And how we choose to respond—in our families, workplaces, communities, and online—creates ripples that either heal or harm.
The past year has shown us where unchecked rage leads. Most recently, the assassination of Charlie Kirk who was gunned down at Utah Valley University while fostering debate. In June, Democratic State Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark were murdered in their home by a gunman with a hit list of 45 officials. Pennsylvania’s Democratic Governor Josh Shapiro and his family were forced to flee an arson attack on their residence. UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was executed on a Manhattan street. These aren’t random acts of violence—they’re the inevitable endpoint of a culture that has normalized dehumanizing those who express perspectives that differ from our own.
But here’s what makes me hold firm to hope –
if toxic behavior can spread through social contagion, so can healing behavior. The question isn’t whether ordinary citizens such as you and me have influence. We do. Rather the question is what we will choose to do with it.
History proves that individual behaviors can, over time, change collective norms and whole cultures.
Scientists observed this phenomenon in a study of Japanese monkeys that came to be known as the “Hundredth Monkey Effect.” When researchers began dropping sweet potatoes in sand for the monkeys to find, one young monkey discovered she could wash the gritty sand off in water before eating. She taught this to her mother and playmates. For six years, older monkeys resisted change. But eventually, almost overnight, a critical mass adopted the new behavior. The practice spread rapidly across the entire tribe, becoming the new norm.
The principle is clear:
Individual behaviors can create a ripple effect that changes collective norms and reshapes the whole.
The lesson isn’t just about monkeys—it’s about you. Me. All of us. Individual behavior changes can reshape entire communities. Your voice, your choice to engage with respect rather than contempt, your decision to listen rather than lecture—these aren’t small acts. They’re the building blocks of cultural transformation.
Research on social contagion consistently shows that when enough individuals adopt new behaviors, change accelerates exponentially. We’ve seen this with everything from smoking cessation spreading through social networks to kindness campaigns transforming school cultures. Even simple acts like holding elevator doors or saying “thank you” to service workers can ripple outward, creating micro-cultures of consideration.
But it starts with one.
It starts with someone willing to wash their potato differently, to respond differently, to be the change they want to see.
There are infinite ways we can counter the ‘age of rage’ but in case you’re too angry to think of any – here are a few suggestions to get you started.
1. Own your response. You are responsible because you are response-able. When someone posts a comment online or expresses a view you disagree with, pause, take a deep breath to reset your ‘trigger’ and ask yourself: “How can I respond in a way that models the democracy I want to live in?” What others do and say is out of your control. But your response is always within it. Will you correct, dismiss, or seek to understand?
2. Check your energy before entering divisive conversations. Energy is contagious. People pick up on it far beyond what is actually said. If you are entering into a potentially contentious conversation, be mindful of the energy you’re bringing into it. Approach them with curiosity about why good people might see things differently, rather than with certainty that anyone who disagrees must be misinformed or malicious.
3. Choose curiosity over digital fury. Our screens disconnect us from the humanity of other people. It’s why most people are much more comfortable saying something online about or two someone that they’d likely temper in person. So if you’re on social media, before sharing or commenting, ask: Will your click, share, or reaction fans flames or builds bridges? When someone expresses a view that baffles or outright triggers you, try: “I see this differently—help me understand how you came to that perspective.”
4. Create space for different perspectives. In your workplace, family, and community, examine whether people feel safe expressing views that differ from yours, or if you’ve created an environment where conformity feels safer than honesty. Seek out common ground by looking for the underlying shared values behind positions you disagree with—most people want safety, prosperity, and dignity for their families.
5. Call people in, not out. When someone says something problematic, consider a private conversation rather than public shaming. “I was thinking about what you said, and here’s how it landed with me…” creates learning opportunities that public callouts rarely do.
The Ripple Effect of Responsibility
In a conversation with Kara Swisher, Scott Galloway spoke about today’s “engagement by enragement,” which inspired the title of this article. There’s little doubt that we’re living in a time when fury has become currency, outrage has become entertainment, and dehumanization has become normalized. But as with every age… they end. And how this one comes to pass will be determined not by those in high office, but by the collective consciousness of ordinary people.
By people like you and me deciding that we’ve had enough of the hatred and toxicity.
By people like you and me deciding to respond with grace when grace isn’t deserved.
By people like you and me deciding that we will take the higher ground, seeking to treat people with dignity, particularly those we’d rather publicly deride.
By people like you and me deciding taking responsibility for their response-ability.
The alternative to stepping up is watching our democracy continue its descent into tribal warfare where political opponents become enemies to be eliminated rather than fellow citizens to be persuaded. Where differences of opinion become justifications for violence. Where the very foundations of civil society crumble under the weight of our collective rage.
This isn’t someone else’s problem to solve. It’s not up to politicians or pundits or social media platforms to fix what we’ve broken. It’s up to us—to you—to decide what kind of culture we’re going to create through our daily choices.
The mirror doesn’t lie. The person staring back at you has more power to heal our fractured democracy than any elected official. Your voice matters. Your choices matter. Your willingness to step off the sidelines and into the arena of constructive dialogue matters.
The Japanese monkeys learned that washing their food made it taste better. The question for us is whether we’ll learn that washing our words of contempt and rage makes our democracy work better—before it’s too late.
We are all responsible because we are all response-able. What ripple will you spread?
We are all responsible because we are all response-able. What ripple will you spread?
Margie Warrell is author of ‘The Courage Gap’, a leadership advisor and speaking on leading with courage, character and conviction.