Whether it’s a battle over broccoli, a meltdown over mismatched socks or a full-blown territorial dispute over a toy truck, parents often feel like they’re navigating a minefield of conflict. Just because challenging behavior is developmentally normal in toddlers doesn’t mean that every power struggle is inevitable. Some daily battles can be transformed into opportunities for cooperation with a shift in perspective and a toolkit of strategic hacks. And, you might be surprised what lessons carry over into adult interactions!
Content creator Chelsea Anderson (@chelsea_explains), who has quickly garnered a dedicated social media following as the “Michael Jordan of babysitting,” is capturing the attention of parents with her hacks for getting kids to cooperate with play-based strategies. She shared in an email interview, “I don’t want to do boring tasks either, and I make up mini-games to get through them myself. So I really get kids who resist stuff like brushing teeth or getting dressed. It feels just as painful to me. Because of that, I know a little creativity can go a long way.” With her strategies, Anderson says that tantrums still happen, but not as often, and a little bit of imagination is often the fastest way through. The content creator also continues using these hacks to make business tasks fun as she grows her own brand.
Play-Based Strategies That Inspire Cooperation
While it might seem odd to take parenting advice from an influencer who is neither a parent nor a scholarly expert, Anderson’s advice is resonating with parents. And, she shares, she feels she is able to come up with so many creative hacks in part because she isn’t a parent. “Parents are in the thick of it. They’re sleep-deprived, overwhelmed and managing so many responsibilities. I had the brain space to think creatively.” Anderson, who started babysitting at 16 years old, also felt that she didn’t have as much authority as a full-grown adult, so creativity and play were her tools to inspire cooperation.
Anderson did get clever, and her hacks are wildly creative as well as effective. Several of Anderson’s ideas revolve around suggesting kids pretend they are characters as a simple way to gamify mundane tasks. She offers, “Sometimes when we ask a child to do something, the kid version of them just doesn’t want to. The little kid doesn’t want to eat vegetables. The little kid doesn’t want to take a bath. But if you introduce a character or an element of play, you can sidestep that resistance. For example, instead of asking your kid to eat their vegetables, ask if they want to be your pet bunny and then hand-feed them greens.”
Another idea Anderson shares is for bath time. “Ask if they want to be your puppy going to the groomer. Now you’ve got a character who wants to do the thing and a kid who’s having fun instead of resisting.” Anderson also suggests caregivers get in on the play. One example she gives is, “If a kid needs to clean up toys, you can pretend you are CIA agents cleaning up the aftermath of a toy bomb. Talk into your pretend earpiece, use code names like ‘Agent Jones,’ and suddenly cleaning becomes a secret mission.”
According to a clinical report from the American Academy of Pediatrics, a play-based approach can be beneficial in the long term as well as the short term. It states, “Play is not frivolous: it enhances brain structure and function and promotes executive function (i.e., the process of learning, rather than the content), which allow us to pursue goals and ignore distractions.”
Understanding Motivations To Lead With Empathy Instead Of Exasperation
A complementary approach to improving cooperation is understanding why toddlers battle in the first place. Their brains are still developing and they struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and perspective-taking. Their “no” is often a cry for autonomy, a way to assert their burgeoning sense of self in a world that often feels overwhelming. Even the CDC shares this on its website, stating, “It’s normal for young children to test the limits. That’s how they learn what is right and wrong.” Recognizing this fundamental developmental stage allows us to approach conflicts with empathy rather than exasperation.
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Ed.D, the author of “Raising Your Spirited Child,” spoke to this in a written interview, sharing that conflict may happen when toddlers have been pushed beyond their ability to cope or they are confused because there isn’t a predictable routine in place. “Consistency calms toddlers. If some days you dress your toddler when they first awaken, but other days they stay in their pajamas until noon, you innocently set yourself up for power struggles. Your toddler never knows what to expect.” While adults typically have more control over their reactions to uncertainty, the professional world also thrives on consistent schedules, operating guidelines and hierarchy to help avoid potential power struggles at work.
Anderson adds, “Toddlers are constantly testing their power. It’s totally normal. One thing that works really well in tricky moments is asking if they’re strong enough, tall enough or brave enough to do something.” She explains that sometimes reframing the request as a challenge helps them feel powerful instead of bossed around. This is supported by research: “Sensitivity to the Evaluation of Others Emerges by 24 Months,” published in the journal Developmental Psychology, that suggests that by two years old, children understand that their behavior can be evaluated by others.
This reframing approach doesn’t disappear when kids become adults; well-respected managers often use the same strategy in the workplace to empower employees by giving them opportunities to solve problems instead of just executing orders. For example, a VP of sales looking at declining numbers could stop themselves from commanding their team to call an additional 50 leads by the end of week and instead encourage their sales team to be more proactive. Phrasing such as, “Sales have dropped 10% this quarter. What do you think is causing it, and what could we try to turn it around?” is far more effective. Or, to extrapolate Anderson’s hacks to this example, creating a competition with a sales incentive would be significantly more impactful than barking instructions.
Understanding the science and recommendations is easy enough, but putting them into practice on a daily basis is a bigger challenge. For that reason, Anderson’s content for her social media channels focuses on specific scripts and examples. She also shares that creativity builds momentum. “Once you get in the habit, your brain will start offering you ideas on the fly. I’ve had so many parents tell me they invented their own hack, like pretending to be Paw Patrol characters at lunch, just because one of my videos got the wheels turning. You don’t have to start from scratch.”