Between fluctuating markets, rising client expectations, and internal politics, it is no surprise that 66% of employees feel burnt out at work. When gaslighting enters the equation, it adds an entire set of new challenges. Here’s how to recognize the signs of gaslighting at work and what you can do to address it.
Is It Gaslighting Or Miscommunication?
Not every gap between expectations and outcomes is the result of gaslighting. It can stem from mixed messaging, divergent communication styles, or vague directions. Before assuming gaslighting is at play, first dig deeper by asking clarifying questions such as:
- Can you walk me through what you recall was the goal here?
- Do you think it’s possible we interpreted the same thing in different ways?
- Help me out – is there something I’m missing from your perspective?
Take note how a colleague responds to this inquiry. A gaslighter will alter facts, shift blame, and maintain that their perspective is the only correct one. A reasonable coworker will focus on problem-solving and consensus building; welcoming fact verification. Poor communication runs rampant in many workplaces. According to a 2025 US Employee Communication Impact Study by communications tech company Staffbase, 58% of employees considering leaving their jobs cite poor internal communication as a contributing factor. When miscommunication arises, take time to probe before assuming the worst.
Power Dynamics Shape The Way Gaslighting Shows Up
If you strongly believe that gaslighting is occurring, the working relationship you have with the gaslighter will determine next steps.
Direct Reports Can Mask Gaslighting As Uncertainty
It is easy to question your own effectiveness as a leader when you have provided clear directions and support multiple times, yet a direct report insists they “did not understand” or “weren’t sure what to do next.” Strong leaders take accountability for communication gaps. Unfortunately, gaslighters will exploit this instinct through weaponized incompetence.
Instead of immediately confronting the potential manipulation, focus on uncovering why the task was not completed. Are they overwhelmed? Are their interests aligned elsewhere? These issues are often solvable through open conversations and realignment of responsibilities. Create space for honest dialogue and feedback while still protecting your own responsibilities as a leader. Maintain and communicate clear boundaries around how you lead, what you expect, and how work should be delivered.
Managerial Gaslighting Creates A Challenging Path Forward
Being gaslit by a manager is uniquely difficult. Managers shape your daily work, influence your environment, and often control career trajectories and earning potential. Gaslighting from a leader can show up as:
- Blaming employees for outcomes driven by the manager’s own guidance
- Giving vague instructions, then criticizing the ‘wrong’ result
- Promising career opportunities and later denying they were ever possible
It is critical to understand that their behavior is not a reflection of your capabilities. Leaders that are vague or only communicate a proper path forward until after you’ve attempted to complete a task lack the strategic skills needed to give direction and guidance. Managerial gaslighting from a leader can also originate from poor company culture, insufficient leadership training, or promotions based on tenure versus management skills. When lacking a proper leadership skills, a leader may choose to manage through misinformation and manipulation.
It is important to document and over-communicate everything when dealing with a manipulative manager. Communicate instructions and decisions both verbally and in writing, using facts to set the conversation. Maintain a steady, professional, demeanor and protect your mental health throughout working together.
Unfortunately, leaders who rely on gaslighting rarely change. Do what you can to manage the situation while keeping an eye on future opportunities that foster a healthier and more supportive work environment.
Peer-Level Gaslighting Quietly Derails Progress
Peer-level colleagues cause disruption and stress as gaslighters. A common tactic is feigned helpfulness: a coworker volunteers to take ownership of a task, then fails to follow through or later denies ever agreeing to it. This gives the illusion of being a high-performer yet ultimately increases your workload. To mitigate the impact, do more follow-up and documentation than standard peer collaborations. This isn’t micromanaging – it is ensuring that the work is on track when it is at the hands of a gaslighter.
Some gaslighting colleagues will downplay or find fault with your accomplishments. Instead of letting self-doubt creep in, recognize this gaslighting scheme and respond accordingly. Lean into their comments with follow-up questions such as “That’s interesting – tell me more about that” or “I choose not to do this for XYZ reason, what is your take?” Gaslighters often rely on a rigid internal script and struggle to elaborate when pressed for details. By responding with calm, information-seeking questions, you signal that their usual tactics will not go unnoticed and that you prioritize accountability.
How To Anchor Back To Facts From Being Gaslit
When dealing with a chronic gaslighter, the goal is to separate fiction from fact – keep anchoring back to the truth. Prior to embarking on a task together, use the method of repeating back what you are hearing and secure their verbal agreement. Use statements such as: “What I’m hearing is…”, “To confirm the path forward…”, and “Let’s make sure we’re on the same page…” Double-down on being aligned through sending an email documenting everything that was verbally attached. If appropriate, CC others for awareness.
Make it clear that honesty and data drive delivery. Use project management tools to document tasks, decisions, and timelines, but note that feigned “tech confusion” can be used to dodge accountability, so do not solely rely on these tools. In the moment, when gaslighting occurs, avoid debating their perspective. Ask specific clarifying questions, such as: “When did that happen – please point me to the specifics” and “Where / when was this communicated?”
Being gaslit is exhausting and confusing, especially when you are just trying to do your job. Identifying when it happens and creating a framework will help lessen its impact. Setting boundaries with gaslighters on how you work together not only protects the quality of your work and your mental health, but also sets you up to be a confident communicator and collaborator.