When people talk about personal growth, the conversation often drifts toward sweeping resolutions—new careers, lifestyle overhauls, or complete reinventions. But cognitive psychologist Dr. Josh Davis says lasting transformation doesn’t come from massive leaps. It begins with something much smaller: finding “the difference that makes the difference.”
Davis, an internationally recognized expert on peak performance and author of The Difference That Makes the Difference, explores how nuanced shifts in thinking and behavior can unlock dramatic results. In a recent conversation, he discussed the psychology behind meaningful change, the science of neurolinguistic programming (NLP), and why trying differently often outperforms trying harder.
Finding the Lever for Change
Asked what his book title really means, Davis explained:
“If you think about changes that you’ve wanted to make in your life, whether it’s professional or personal, you can want it for years and never get anywhere. And then you can also have those major things in your life like suddenly a breakthrough. What The Difference That Makes a Difference is about is figuring out what for each person, and in their specific context, is that piece that either gets in the way of change or enables it.”
That “difference,” he emphasized, isn’t universal.
“It will be [different], which can make it sound like, well, great! What do I do with that? But it’s because there’s a process. There’s one process for finding the difference that makes the difference.”
The Science Behind NLP
Much of Davis’s work draws from NLP, an approach rooted in the study of language, thought, and behavior.
“NLP is a collection of tools that come from the world of psychotherapy,” he said. “What NLP did was to study a number of these pioneers in these forms of therapy and to try to identify how they use language and then also expand it to nonverbal communication.”
Davis and his co-author, trial lawyer Greg Prosmushkin, have worked to make those ideas accessible beyond therapy rooms.
“You don’t need to be a therapist. This is taking it out of the world of therapy for day-to-day use. NLP is a collection of tools for very quickly identifying what’s going to help someone make a change. And the reason it works is because it’s based on these 50 years of time-tested techniques from psychotherapy. But we’ve tried to make it very simple to apply and to understand.”
Reframing Resistance
Resistance to change, Davis noted, is rarely about laziness or lack of willpower.
“When we resist something, we always have a good reason. And there’s a belief that we encourage people to presuppose in all situations from NLP, which is that every behavior has a positive intention.”
He added: “When you identify the positive intention behind the behavior, you can make a breakthrough often very quickly, because you speak to the positive intention, you try to serve the positive intention.”
That mindset, Davis said, can even diffuse today’s deep social and political divisions. “Whenever you’re able to get yourself to a place where you’re looking for the positive intention behind someone’s point of view, you can actually speak to them and find a breakthrough.”
Trying Differently, Not Harder
The same mindset applies to goal setting. Davis said one of NLP’s core beliefs can be summarized this way:
“If at first I don’t succeed, try something else. When people are successful they’re often not just beating their heads against the wall. If I beat my head against the wall, and the wall doesn’t fall down, maybe that’s not the way to get the wall to fall down.”
Experimentation, he explained, is the key.
“The element in the system with the most flexibility is the most likely to get its needs met. That runs counter to what a lot of people intuitively think. But if I can continue to be flexible and explore what matters to you, I might discover that what really matters is that your family members are taken care of.”
That adaptability, he said with a laugh, has even improved his family’s morning routine:
“We have young kids. We tried everything. And finally, two weeks ago, it dawns on me—we’re arriving 10 minutes late consistently. So, we tried moving our ‘time to get in the car’ 10 minutes earlier, and sure enough, that’s worked every day for the last two weeks.”
Attention Over Time
For professionals striving for peak performance, Davis argues that “attention management” is more important than time management.
“We are not dealing with computers in our heads,” he said. “Everyone knows they have sometimes when they’re on fire and other times when they’re just getting nowhere.”
The key, he said, is to align your best energy with what matters most:
“Nobody’s going to be able to do everything anymore. You are going to have to let yourself down or let somebody else down to some degree. Given that, let’s find ways to think about what really matters and give our best to that.”
He warned against the illusion of productivity:
“If I check my email right before an important task, I’m doing a lot of decision-making and triggering emotions. That is self-sabotage. What happens if I show up well for the podcast? It’s going to help me accomplish what I need to accomplish as a writer, as a speaker, as a coach.”
Leading Through Rapport
The principles of NLP also apply to leadership and team dynamics.
“Every time you want to influence someone, it’s important to start by assuming you need to earn the right to influence,” Davis said. “Unless someone’s open to listening to you, step one is to earn that right. That comes from finding ways to show them that you understand their reality and getting in sync with them.”
He added with a wry smile, “I ask leaders whenever I get the chance, ‘How’s that working for you?’”
The Difference That Lasts
Ultimately, Davis’s work isn’t about surface-level hacks or motivational slogans. It’s about curiosity—about how people think, what drives them, and how subtle shifts can create compounding effects.
“As much as I practice this stuff all the time, I fall into it still,” he admitted. “But I can catch myself now and step out of it. And I know how to step out of it so I can then take the big picture perspective, refresh, and come back.”
It’s that combination of humility and experimentation, Davis believes, that sustains real growth. “Change,” he said, “can happen often very quickly and in a lasting way, even when it can feel impossible for years leading up to it.”