Megan Malone is an Executive Coach and leads educational content development and training at Truity, a leader in personality assessments.
We all know the person: the leader who says “yes” to every request, the colleague who’d rather take a work-from-home day than deal with office drama, the manager who spends so much time trying to make everyone happy that she ends up totally burnt out. Maybe we are that person.
Being nice comes at a price, and it can make you wonder: Can someone be too empathetic to lead?
Empathy—the ability to relate to the emotional experiences of others—is a workplace superpower. A survey of 900 US employees revealed that empathetic leadership results in more innovative and engaged teams, less turnover, higher productivity and more positive work experiences. With workplace burnout at an all-time high, empathy is an essential ingredient that organizations can’t afford to lose.
But what about when empathy slides into people-pleasing? Let’s take a look at what healthy empathy looks like in leadership and how leaders can better ensure this superpower doesn’t lead to unhelpful workplace behaviors.
The Value Of Empathy At Work
Empathy is more than just noticing how another person is feeling; it’s the ability to deeply resonate with those feelings while offering support and encouragement. At work, empathy is valuable because it allows us to collaborate and work better across teams, departments, countries, cultures and backgrounds.
Think about the last time you met someone who seemed totally different from you. Your first impulse may have been to judge or make assumptions about that person. Empathy allows us to relate to and connect with people from all walks of life—a vital skill in today’s global workforce.
Empathy, as a factor of emotional intelligence (EQ), is a skill that can be developed with practice and intention. But is it worth it?
The Hidden Costs Of High Empathy
Critics argue that empathy is exhausting, often leads to burnout and compassion fatigue and may even lead to lapses in ethical judgment.
Highly empathetic leaders may also struggle with making tough calls, delivering difficult feedback or putting business goals ahead of the needs of their team members. These struggles can impact stress levels, well-being and the leader’s ability to do their job effectively.
It’s for these reasons that many highly empathetic people actually opt out of high-stress leadership roles. Research by my organization shows that people who score high in the EQ trait of empathy earn less than individuals who score high in other factors of EQ, such as emotional control and social awareness.
The reasons for this are not quite clear, but one study suggests that it may be because empathetic people are naturally less competitive and tend to gravitate toward socially oriented roles that are traditionally lower paid.
When Empathy Turns Into People-Pleasing
When talking about empathy and people-pleasing, it’s important to note that not all empathetic people are people-pleasers, but most people-pleasers are likely more empathetic than the average person. When you can easily put yourself in another person’s shoes, that can quickly escalate to prioritizing their comfort or approval over your own needs or other factors.
Signs that you may be an empathetic people-pleaser:
• You say yes to everything, even when overloaded.
• You avoid necessary conflict or hard conversations.
• You feel responsible for others’ emotions.
• You look for validation and approval rather than focusing on outcomes.
The good news: There are steps you can take to strengthen your overall emotional intelligence and lean into your natural strength of empathy while leaving people-pleasing behaviors behind.
How To Stop People-Pleasing At Work
Empathy is a powerful skill, but it needs to be balanced with other emotional intelligence factors to be most effective—especially in leadership roles. Here are a few ways to develop the EQ muscles that keep empathy healthy and productive:
Build self-awareness.
Reflect regularly on your motivations and decision-making. Are you saying “yes” because it aligns with your priorities or because you want to be liked? Journaling or asking for honest feedback from trusted colleagues can help you spot patterns.
Practice emotional regulation.
Empathetic leaders often absorb the emotions around them, which can be draining. Learn to pause before reacting, breathe and separate your team’s emotions from your own. Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded.
Strengthen assertiveness.
Practice saying no with compassion and confidence: “I hear how important this is to you, but given our priorities, we’ll have to revisit this next quarter.” This sets a clear boundary while validating the other person’s perspective.
Conclusion
The goal isn’t to be less empathetic; it’s to pair empathy with self-awareness, emotional regulation and assertiveness so you can lead with compassion and clarity. When you strike this balance, you create a workplace where people feel heard and valued—without sacrificing your own boundaries or the organization’s success.
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