You were seated next to a prospective client at a conference where a formal dinner was part of the agenda. Or maybe you were having lunch with your boss at a nice restaurant. Or perhaps during a business trip, you were dining with team members you had previously only known virtually.
Wherever you were, you were making solid points about the product/service/idea you were trying to promote. You never realized that you’d already lost the deal because of something you had no idea would be so powerful: your table manners.
Like any other professional encounter, a business dinner is an opportunity to build relationships, enhance your leadership presence, collaborate, influence others, and yes, make deals. Which is why learning (or refreshing) the rules of dining etiquette has become a frequent request when I’m coaching high-level business professionals.
I’m not saying you need to have perfect table manners to make a positive impression, but you do need to realize that making several etiquette errors during a single meal will be noticed (and often judged) by those who know better.
Starting with something very basic, here are a few of the errors that diminish your professional presence – and what to do instead:
Don’t slump or lean forward with your elbows on the table.
Do sit up straight and let your good posture show that you are comfortable and confident.
Don’t put your cell phone on the table or anywhere it is visible – and don’t answer calls or check text messages.
Do put your cell phone out of sight and turn it to mute.
Don’t start to eat as soon as your food comes.
Do wait until everyone is served. And if the table has a host, wait until he or she begins.
Don’t use your neighbor’s bread plate or drink from the wrong glass.
Do remember that any formal table setting has your bread plate on the left of your dinner plate, above the forks, and all your glasses and cups (water, wine, coffee) on the right above the knife and spoon.
Don’t leave your napkin on the table.
Do place the napkin on your lap and leave it there throughout the entire meal. Place your napkin on your chair, or to the left of your plate, if you leave the table as a signal to the server that you will be returning. And if you are being hosted, the signal that the meal is over is when the host places their napkin on the table.
Don’t push your plates away (or pile them) when you finished eating.
Do leave your plates in the same position as they were originally placed. Lay you fork and knife diagonally across the plate, side by side, pointing at 10:00 and 4:00 on a clock face. This signifies to the wait staff that you have finished.
Don’t monopolize the discussion.
Do ask questions and encourage others to participate. Remember that conversations, not monologues, are more effective for building relationships, promoting collaboration, and projecting professional presence.
Don’t ever be rude to the server.
Do treat the waitstaff with courtesy. If there is an issue, address it politely and quietly. Your table mates will make assumptions about your character from observing your behavior. (And often, those assumptions will be the deciding factor in whether or not they choose to work with you.)
In addition, when dining internationally:
Don’t expect that your familiar table manners automatically transfer.
Do realize that cultural courtesy brings new dining etiquette – like eating fried chicken with a knife and fork (not your fingers) in most of Europe and, conversely, eating many foods with your hands in several African countries.
This list of small behaviors may seem inconsequential, but knowing how to navigate a professional dining experience can set you apart as savvy, poised, and respectful. Someone with whom people would like to make a deal.