October 16th is National Bosses Day. Hopefully you have an amicable relationship with your boss that you want to honor. The thought of being your boss’s BFF even may sound appealing. Maybe you would have more sway with the powers-that-be, get more rewarded for your job performance–even promoted to a higher position. But experts explain why, if you find that you’re becoming the “boss’s pet,” you could be stepping into dangerous career waters.
Is Being The ‘Boss’s Pet’ Ever A Good Idea?
Is becoming besties with the boss ever a good idea? To find out, take this quick test. Imagine you’re an employee observing the constant interaction between your boss and the coworker in the above photograph. How would you feel?
If you’re anything like the handful of people I polled, you would say you feel like an outsider–jealous, frustrated or angry that the boss and his bestie are keeping secrets from the team. Or you may resent not having equal access to shared information to perform your best. These are just a few reasons organizational business experts caution that being your boss’s BFF backfires and presents more problems than perks.
I spoke with Dr. Laura Hambley Lovett, organizational Psychologist and author of I Wish I’d Quit Sooner: Practical Strategies for Navigating and Escaping a Toxic Boss. Lovett told me that your boss should not be your bestie. “Why?” I asked her.
Lovett explains that you may think being friends with your boss will help your career, but in fact it will not. She advises that it’s better to have a boundary, respect and openness to learning from your boss as you develop your career. She adds that your boss needs to hold you accountable, deliver constructive feedback and make decisions about your salary and progression.
That alone is reason enough that the relationship needs to remain professional and objective, she asserts. “If you become friends, this objectivity is lost and boundaries are blurred. If a difficult decision or conflict arises it’s much more difficult to navigate if there’s a dual relationship between boss/employee and friend.”
The Danger Zone Of Being The ‘Boss’s Pet’
You saw it played over and over on every major television network newscast, talk show and digital magazine. When CEO Andy Byron and his HR chief were caught canoodling on the jumbotron at a Coldplay concert, and the world saw it before their employees, the fallout went far beyond embarrassment.
It’s a cautionary tale about how blurred boundaries, especially under the spotlight, teach lessons on leadership credibility and the dangers of boundary violations with the boss. I spoke with workplace expert Laura Gassner Otting, bestselling author of Limitless: How to Ignore Everybody, Carve your Own Path, and Live Your Best Life. She told me being “boss besties” may be tempting and beneficial but becoming “too close” with the boss can jeopardize your job security and damage the morale with co-workers.
Otting says healthy boundaries, clear dialogue and managed expectations are the key to establishing a “friendly” relationship with the boss and protect you from becoming a liability. She adds that achieving a comfortable flow with your boss is key to ensuring a natural cadence and clear communication in the workplace.
Is there a prudent way of having a positive productive friendship with your boss without crossing the line which can result in troubling consequences? Otting argues that its okay to be “friendly” with the boss, but you need to proceed with caution to avoid finding yourself in the “danger zone” of risking your position at the company. She offers six signs that you’ve entered the danger zone and need to “sound the alarm”:
1. Perception of favoritism
Even if you’ve earned your spot, Otting cautions that colleagues may assume your advancement is due to special treatment. “Our Limitless Leader research shows that relationships with leaders is one of the key indicators of engagement, and that lack of perceived fairness is one of the fastest killers of team engagement and morale,” she notes. “When you’re besties with the boss, every win looks like favoritism—and that perception alone can tank team morale.”
2. Risk to job security
She insists that if your standing in the organization is tied too tightly to one leader, you risk being sidelined—or ousted—when the dynamic changes. “Bosses get promoted, leave or lose power. If your career is tied to their coattails, you’re at risk of disappearing with them.”
3. Blurred boundaries
Being both confident and direct report makes it hard to know when feedback is personal or professional. Otting stresses that this “danger zone” erodes clarity, communication and trust on both sides. She adds that friendship blurs the lines—are they giving you feedback as your boss or confiding as your buddy? That confusion erodes trust, she says.
4. Collateral damage
“Aligning yourself too closely with your boss can isolate you from peers, who may hesitate to confide in or collaborate with you,” according to Otting. “Over time, this undermines the sense of connection and contribution—two of the four consonance pillars I measure in my research. When you’re too close to the boss, peers stop seeing you as a teammate and start seeing you as a spy.”
5. Unwitting exposure to sensitive information
Otting states that when you’re “too close,” you may gain access to personal or confidential insights you’re not equipped to handle—putting you in a compromised position and creating unnecessary stress and potential liability. She emphasizes that crossing into best-friend territory often means having access to information you shouldn’t have, can’t “unhear” and wish you didn’t know.
6. Pressure to Choose Sides
“Close bonds with your boss can lead to blind loyalty, especially in conflicts,” Otting concludes. “That pressure not only strains your integrity but also harms your ability to lead and be trusted by others down the line. When you become your boss’s BFF, neutrality disappears—you’re pressured to pick sides, and that’s a dangerous place for your integrity.”
A Final Takeaway On Being The ‘Boss’s Pet’
On the flip side of the coin, leaders also have a responsibility in the “boss’s pet” scenario. Clear communication, job engagement and the company’s bottom line are dependent on amicable but professional relationships with your boss.
Unfortunately, a recent study by Resume Now’s AI Boss Effect Report finds that 97% of workers are turning to AI instead of their boss because they say ChatGPT feels safer, faster and more judgment-free than their human manager. The best bosses respect boundaries and support employees, but they, too, know that crossing the line and having “boss’s pet” puts them in the danger zone with the potential for career suicide.