The “motherhood penalty” has long described how women lose income, promotions, and opportunities compared to men once they become parents. But a new version of that penalty is taking shape, and it’s pushing women out of the workforce in alarming numbers.
The latest federal labor data shows mothers are leaving their jobs at rates that threaten to erase the fragile gains made during the pandemic recovery.
At the center of this trend are two interconnected forces: skyrocketing childcare costs and return-to-office (RTO) mandates. Together, they are creating a financial and logistical trap for families, one that is felt most acutely by mothers in what many working women describe as an impossible choice between career and family.
Childcare Now Costs More Than Housing
BabyCenter’s recent research paints a stark picture of the economic math families face. Full-time childcare costs an average of $16,686 per year per child. In addition, 14% of families spend more on childcare than on rent or mortgage. Nearly three in four parents (76%) say those costs strain their budgets to the point of forcing major life trade-offs.
Robin Hilmantel, senior director of editorial strategy and growth at BabyCenter, explained that parents in their community regularly describe the stress of trying to secure childcare and then struggling to pay for it. “It’s pretty staggering: 14% of families who use childcare tell BabyCenter that they spend more on it than they do on any other major expense – including their mortgage or rent. About three in four moms say that paying for childcare causes a strain on their family’s budget.”
Even with subsidies and tax credits, the numbers rarely work out in favor of families. For many, especially those without relatives nearby to provide backup, leaving the workforce seems like the only option. Hilmantel noted, “The result? 13% of moms say they have already left their job due to the cost of childcare, with another 45% telling BabyCenter that they are considering reducing hours or stopping work altogether in order to save money.”
Waitlists and the Logistics Crisis
Cost is just one part of the problem. Access is another. Approximately 40% of families report being stuck on childcare waitlists, with average waits stretching to six months. Some parents put their children on multiple lists before they’re even born, only to land spots in the most expensive centers.
Hilmantel shared that one mom had her child on 13 waitlists starting during pregnancy. Months later, only two centers offered spots, and both were unaffordable. “While she was happy with the care provided, she said the cost of childcare ‘kills’ her family.”
The result is a logistical nightmare that falls disproportionately on mothers. Research shows that 82% of mothers manage childcare logistics, and 68% of working mothers experience childcare breakdowns each month. On average, these issues cause them to be away from work 3.6 days per month. In many workplaces, that level of disruption isn’t sustainable, and too often, it’s met with frustration rather than support.
Flexibility Matters More Than Money
Perhaps the most telling finding from BabyCenter’s research is that nearly three in ten mothers (29%) would choose remote work over a $10,000 raise, and another 28% would opt for flexible hours over the same raise. That’s a resounding signal: flexibility is not a perk, it’s a necessity.
Yet as employers double down on RTO mandates, mothers are once again being pushed out of jobs they are qualified for and committed to.
Liz Teran, Chief Parent Officer at Owlet, said leaders are missing the bigger picture. “Many leaders frame RTO as a culture or productivity issue, but they’re missing the bigger picture, which is that these policies are driving out some of their best people. Mothers, in particular, are often carrying the heaviest load at home. Flexibility is what allows them to stay in the workforce and succeed.”
Her warning is blunt but accurate: when companies enforce rigid presence policies, they risk losing not only talent but also loyalty and long-term growth.
The Cost of Short-Sighted RTO Policies
Data from McKinsey confirms that women leaders are leaving companies at the highest rate in years, often citing lack of flexibility as a driving factor. For mothers, especially those with younger children, the tension is even sharper. Without reliable childcare, in-office mandates become nearly impossible to meet.
Teran emphasized that flexibility isn’t about shirking responsibility; it’s about survival. “Flexibility is the single biggest factor, whether that’s hybrid work, remote options, or simply the trust that employees can structure their day in a way that works for both their families and their deliverables.”
At Owlet, where nearly 70% of employees are working parents, the culture is fully remote. Teran said that leadership sets the tone by openly acknowledging caregiving responsibilities. “My teams know that I often have busy mornings getting my two children off to school or childcare for the day, and they do the same. We all adapt, support each other, and work with each other’s schedules.”
This kind of transparency and trust helps parents feel they can succeed in both roles. Without it, companies risk attrition they can’t afford.
Family Planning and Economic Fallout of The Motherhood Penalty
The rising cost of childcare also has ripple effects on family planning. Nearly half of mothers (49%) say that costs affect their decision to have more children, while 24% have decided to have fewer children, and 25% are delaying or pausing their plans altogether.
This isn’t just a personal decision; it’s an economic one. Fewer families mean fewer future workers and taxpayers, amplifying long-term labor force challenges. Policymakers who ignore this connection are overlooking the underlying structural issue.
And yet, support is shrinking. Federal pandemic-era childcare stabilization funds expired in 2023, leaving providers strapped and parents scrambling. The “childcare cliff” is real, and without intervention, more mothers will exit the workforce because they simply cannot afford to stay.
Presence Does Not Equal Performance
If there’s one message employers need to hear, it’s that presence does not equal performance. Teran put it plainly: “Just like a child cannot thrive and learn while being hovered over, an employee does not thrive in an overly-controlling environment. Providing flexibility and a parent-friendly culture is good for not only your employees but also for your bottom line.”
The irony is that the talent most likely to leave under rigid RTO policies is often the most experienced and resilient. Forcing them to choose between work and family means organizations lose not only institutional knowledge but also future leaders.
Toward Solutions
So what does progress look like? Experts point to three areas:
- Employer Action. Companies can reduce attrition by providing flexible work options, childcare subsidies, and backup care supports. Some have experimented with on-site childcare, though accessibility and cost remain challenges. What matters most is flexibility and empathy from leadership.
- Policy Reform. Federal and state governments can expand childcare subsidies, extend tax credits, and invest in early childhood education infrastructure. The U.S. spends far less on childcare compared to peer nations, and it shows.
- Cultural Shift. Parents, especially mothers, need to feel that childcare challenges aren’t a personal failure but a shared societal issue. Removing stigma is part of retention.
Why The Motherhood Penalty Matters
The motherhood penalty 2.0 is not inevitable. It is a consequence of policy decisions, corporate priorities, and cultural expectations that undervalue caregiving. Research shows companies that invest in flexibility and family-friendly benefits see stronger retention and productivity.
If leaders truly want to retain top talent, they need to act accordingly.
Because mothers aren’t leaving work to spend more time at yoga or to opt out of ambition, they’re leaving because the math and logistics of childcare make staying impossible. And if that doesn’t change, the U.S. will continue to bleed experienced workers at a time when every sector needs them most.
The motherhood penalty has been a persistent issue for decades. But this updated version is uniquely dangerous because it collides with both childcare economics and rigid RTO mandates. If companies and policymakers ignore it, they risk not just losing women workers today but stalling progress for years to come.