Burnout is still a crucial topic, with more than 8 out of 10 employees at risk, according to Mercer’s 2024 Global Talent Trends report. LIFE impacts burnout – that’s what I say in my keynote on the topic. The L in LIFE stands for loss. Stress increases when you’ve experienced a loss, and the chance for burnout rises if combined with organizational contributors like a lack of autonomy or community. Unexpected loss can be incredibly traumatic, and even with fatal conditions, it’s still hard. The death of a loved one has been recognized as the most significant life stressor that we face as humans.
To help you navigate this difficult life season, I connected with Rebecca Soffer. Rebecca is a bestselling author and cofounder of Modern Loss. Before she shares, let me say my heart is deeply with you.
Rachel Montañez: What’s one of your favorite quotes about grief?
Rebecca Soffer: I have a lot of favorites, but one that says it all is “Separation,” a poem by W.S. Merwin: “Your absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”
Montañez: What are some tips for returning to work after a loss?
Soffer: There’s no way around it: You will bring your grief to work with you, and some days, it’ll be easier to focus and be productive than others (and that’s completely normal).
Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Soffer: While it would be terrific if your employer could constantly intuit your ever-shifting needs, unfortunately, that’s not how it works. It’s important to find out about any employee assistance programs and affinity groups available to you (and take full advantage of them!)
Self-advocate
Soffer: As hard as it may feel to ask for help, especially in the workplace where we are expected to deliver, you must advocate for yourself by being transparent with your employer. Reach out to your manager and HR team to share that you are having a challenging time and which tasks you are struggling with. Ask to speak about ways in which you might feel better supported and have more space to move through your grieving process.
Take breaks
Soffer: Grief brain is real; you may have some concentration and memory issues, so it’s essential to take any available breaks and schedule them in advance. I always recommend that people look ahead at their daily calendars and enter some short windows throughout the day that are dedicated to taking a walk around the block.
Lean on colleagues
Soffer: If you’re concerned about foggy concentration, you can also ask a colleague with whom you have a good relationship to check your work assignments for errors. While you’re under no obligation to share any details about your grief with colleagues, it may feel better to do so in any capacity that feels comfortable to you—you can even ask a manager or coworker to share details with your team on your behalf.
Montanez: What if your company doesn’t have bereavement leave?
Soffer: Unfortunately, we live in a country that offers no national bereavement protections. Bereavement isn’t even an acceptable use of unpaid leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act. If your company has no leave policies, you should request what you need and ask HR and management to work with you to help you continue being a valuable part of your work community.
Montanez: How would you suggest an employee manage a trigger when in a meeting at work?
Soffer: Grief is sneaky and does not respect business hours. Create an understanding with your manager that if you’re in a group meeting and need to center yourself, it’s completely fine to exit the room for a few minutes to shed some tears or just take a few breaths. Learn some grounding techniques, such as clenching your fist underneath a table and then releasing the tension several times, focusing on the feeling of the floor beneath your feet or learning the 4-7-8 breathing technique – people won’t even notice you’re doing them, and they are highly effective.
Of course, none of this is easy stuff, and you need to be kind to yourself if some of the waves seem to knock you over harder than others. You are going through an incredibly universal experience and deserve to treat yourself gently.
Montanez: Can you share any resources for readers who want to dive deeper?
Soffer: There’s no silver bullet for grief. It’s so important to read and listen to various perspectives, experiences and backgrounds, as well as speak with anyone willing to share part of their stories and listen to yours with no judgment. Doing so exposes you to many ideas for coping mechanisms, support building and creative rituals. Modernloss.com also offers thousands of personal essays and practical resource pieces, which narrowly focus on one aspect of the loss experience.
Are you a manager who wants to support employees experiencing grief? Check out these best practices.