Are you one of those people who can get lost for hours in books or TV series, forgetting to eat or sleep for days on end? Do you become completely absorbed in your work to the point where others complain about your workaholism? Or do you perhaps wait until the very last second before submitting an assignment? You are most likely using avoidant coping to deal with daily stressors.
Individuals who use avoidant coping mechanisms evade or distance themselves from stressors, emotions or situations they perceive as threatening or overwhelming. While they might experience temporary relief from distress through avoidant coping, it often comes at the expense of long-term resolution and growth.
Avoidant Coping Creates More Problems Than It Solves
Perceived threats trigger avoidance behavior and can lead to increased sensitivity and false alarms. Risk factors include a family history of anxiety, certain personality traits like neuroticism, poor parenting, early trauma, chronic health problems and exposure to avoidant coping models.
Avoidance manifests in various scenarios, such as dodging triggers of painful memories, evading discomfort, shying away from attention, hesitating to begin tasks due to uncertainty and sidestepping situations linked to anxiety or potential disappointment.
Avoidant coping strains relationships, creating communication barriers, emotional distance and conflict avoidance among partners, family or colleagues. It also hinders trust and intimacy, leading to social isolation and loneliness.
A study published in Psychotherapy found that individuals with avoidant attachment styles displayed defensive coping, claiming themselves as self-reliant, strong and adhering to a “no victim” ideology while processing trauma. Paradoxically, the same individuals showed ambivalent signs of needing help but simultaneously rejected it.
Avoidant coping can manifest in the following forms:
- Denial. A defense mechanism where one minimizes, ignores or outright refuses to acknowledge the existence of a problem. For example, when feeling lonely, people often refuse to reach out to friends or family, citing that no one can understand or help them.
- Procrastination. This is when you purposely postpone tasks and decisions because you find them too daunting, burdensome or stressful. Chronic procrastinators often break promises to themselves and others, which decreases their self-esteem.
- Distraction. Individuals use distraction to avoid dealing with a task or situation. Examples include becoming a workaholic to mourn the loss of a loved one or going for a solo trip to avoid a long overdue difficult conversation.
- Addiction. This is the most common avoidant coping style that people use to numb their emotions and escape from reality. One can get addicted to consuming seemingly innocuous things like food, love, books, shopping, sex and porn indiscriminately, to more serious ones like alcohol and drugs.
While avoidant coping is passive and unhelpful in the long run, active coping is healthy and involves confronting stress. Here are three simple methods to get you started.
1. Acknowledge You Are Being Avoidant
Most people don’t recognize that they have avoidant coping, the first step is to acknowledge and start identifying the source of stress by becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings.
Practice mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing or counting numbers when your emotions take over. Accepting uncomfortable emotions builds emotional resilience and empowers individuals to face life’s challenges in a healthy manner.
Pay attention to sensations in your body, like quick breathing, tense shoulder muscles and furrowed brows. Once you know what indicates the onset of an avoidant episode, you will be much better prepared to catch yourself in the moment and confront your feelings instead of running away.
2. Fight The Battles To Win The War
Another aspect of avoidant coping is the feeling of helplessness. For example, we might procrastinate when a challenge feels humongous, unpredictable and beyond our control.
However, by assessing the situation deeply, you may find certain elements of the problem that you can control. Begin by creating an action plan and breaking the challenge into smaller, manageable chunks that you can implement daily. One can bridge the gap between healthy coping and unhealthy avoidance by taking small steps, one at a time.
3. Call For Reinforcements
People who cope by avoiding may benefit from seeking support from friends, family or mental health professionals, despite their fierce independence.
This can involve talking about feelings and emotions, seeking advice or simply spending time with others in a supportive environment. Social groups provide a vital source of encouragement and validation and can help you express yourself openly in a safe and understanding environment.
For individuals struggling with chronic avoidant coping patterns or underlying mental health concerns, seeking professional guidance from therapists or counselors can provide invaluable support. They can offer tailored interventions to address and eradicate avoidance and its root causes while simultaneously promoting healthy coping habits.