How Mindfulness Can Elevate Your Next Negotiation

The word mindfulness is typically associated with yoga, deep breathing, or other forms of relaxation, but there is so much more to the concept, especially in the world of negotiation. Finding success in difficult conversations is more than just strategy and techniques, it also comes down to emotion management, for ourselves and others. This is where mindfulness comes in. Talar Herculian Coursey Esq., CIPP/US, CIPM, SRHM is an attorney, children’s book author, and Certified Life Coach, and more. She joined Negotiate Anything to talk about mindfulness and how it can help us successfully navigate our most difficult conversations and negotiations.

The Role of Mindfulness in Difficult Conversations & Negotiations

Generally speaking, most people enter negotiations with the hope of reaching some form of resolution, ideally one that works for all parties involved. This can also be considered a common goal.

According to Talar, the purpose of mindfulness is to set aside our ego so that these common goals can be achieved and the negotiation can be successful.

“If you’re able to remove yourself from your ego, you get a better sense of what you’re trying to achieve and whether or not the actions you’re taking and the words your expressing are going to get you to that result,” she explained.

In this context, Talar refers to the ego as the version of ourselves that is front and center, seeing the situations we’re in through the lens of our emotions.

“The ego has to do with everything that’s in front of you, and it’s usually manifested in the various emotions that we see,” she explained.

Given this definition, in order to set the ego aside, Talar recommends taking on the role of the objective mediator. Essentially, create space to observe all the elements of what’s happening without letting your emotions come to quick conclusions.

Responding vs. Reacting

According to Talar, the best way to begin this process is to learn how to pause in the moment. Emotions come into play in almost every business negotiation, whether we realize it or not. Slowing down can have a positive impact on how we navigate those emotions to maintain mutual respect and better outcomes.

This also helps ensure that we are responding to what’s being said instead of simply reacting. Responding, which is preferred, is more intentional and substantive. Reacting on the other hand, is normally an immediate response that comes primarily from our emotions without taking into consideration our strategy or overall goals.

Taking a mindful pause can also help you determine whether your counterpart is responding or reacting. Why is this important? According to Talar, it can help you better determine your next move in the negotiation.

If you make an offer or statement and they appear to be more reactive than responsive, this can be a great signal that you need to respond to the emotions and not the substance of their remarks. In other words, the offer itself may not be totally off the table, it may just come down to identifying their emotional trigger and finding another way to present the information.

On the other hand, if their response is less emotional and more calculated, this might signal that the substantive elements of their comments are legitimate and adjustments will need to be made to the deal that’s on the table.

Blocking Out Time for Mindfulness

In the world of business, time is money. Oftentimes this mentality can lead us to rush through important conversations or aim to find a resolution in as little time as possible. In Talar’s experience, as an attorney and mediator, making time for difficult conversations can actually have a better effect on the outcome.

In fact, when she was a mediator, Talar used to block out entire days for some of these conversations where she knew emotions may be running high.

“You can’t rush the process especially when there are going to be a lot of emotions, you have to find the opportunity to let that steam come out somehow,” she explained.

If you’re preparing for a similar, high-stakes conversation, make more time on the calendar than you think you will need. This extra time should allow more time for slowing down and taking a mindful pause where necessary.

Despite its traditional associations, mindfulness can be an incredibly useful tool for tempered and effective negotiations. Begin by allocating more than enough time for your high-stakes conversations, and then practice pausing during emotional or tense moments. Use the time to observe what’s happening (as if you were a neutral third party) and prepare a calculated response that aligns with your overall objective. This strategy has the potential to elevate your negotiations and build better connections in your business relationships.

Follow Talar Coursey on LinkedIn. To listen to the full episode, click here.