77% of Americans celebrating Thanksgiving want to avoid talking about politics at the dinner table, according to WalletHub.
Well, you can add politics to a long list of fraught topics this year – war, religion, guns, abortion, money, relationships – that may turn a warm and fuzzy meal into a friendship-ending feud. These topics are known as âtable grenadesâ – because, well, they can effectively blow up your holiday celebration.
And while more than three quarters of Americans donât want to discuss these contentious issues, itâs inevitable that they will. Emotions are running high in a world mired in geopolitical debate, and a simple statement can easily turn into something unpleasant.
There are tried and true techniques that I typically share to make communications more effective in the business world that apply equally as well at the Thanksgiving table. Familiarizing yourself with these skills can be the difference between a civilized discourse and a pie in your face.
Establish taboo topics.
The best way to avoid uncomfortable conversations is to ban hot button issues from your meal. If youâre hosting, let your guests know ahead of time that certain topics will be off limits. If the topic does come up, simply remind your guests of the ârulesâ and quickly move to another conversation.
Arm yourself with education.
If you anticipate a discussion will arise on a topic that makes you uncomfortable, the best approach is preparation. Educate yourself on the topic and practice your responses ahead of time. Arming yourself with the facts will empower you to make more compelling arguments and will allow you to stay more balanced emotionally.
Watch your body language.
The way you position yourself during a discussion can really affect the tone of the conversation. For example, donât cross your arms as that appears defensive and conveys that youâre not interested in listening. If youâre sitting, donât appear stiff and rigid; that makes you appear unapproachable. And always maintain good eye contact so the other person knows you are really listening.
Find a change of scenery.
If things start to get heated, ask to move the conversation to another room. That creates a sort of cooling off period and allows for an emotional reset. If youâre sitting at the dining table and the conversation is going south, suggest a move to the couch and continue with a fresh perspective.
Be careful with humor.
Many people try to joke during tense conversations to lighten the mood and diffuse the situation – but that can be a risky move. What you think is a riot may not be perceived as funny and you may come off as insensitive.
Redirect the conversation.
If a conversation takes a turn toward ugly, find a way to redirect the discussion toward something else. A conversation that is heading toward a discussion on religion, for example, can be redirected toward a particular custom that you enjoy and want to share. Or try answering a question with a question, which gets you out of the hot seat and puts the onus back on the other person.
Argue with empathy.
Showing that you genuinely care about the other personâs opinion will lend validation to yours. Listen to the other personâs argument, be curious, ask questions and always show respect.
Find common ground.
While you and a guest may have vastly different opinions on a topic, you can usually find something on which you both agree. If youâre discussing gun control, for example, odds are you both care about the safety and wellbeing of your children.
Keep your emotions in check.
Itâs easy to get heated, especially when you feel like the other person is not understanding your position, or you are simply disagreeing on facts. Itâs important to find ways to settle your heart and mind. One easy way is to practice a breathing technique I call triangle breathing. Simply breathe in for three counts, hold for three counts and then exhale for three counts. Then repeat the technique until you feel more relaxed.
Accept that you may not change anyoneâs mind.
Most of us are not looking to have our minds changed. We watch the news channels that align with our views and surround ourselves with like-minded people. So, when discussing a sensitive topic with someone at dinner, be prepared that they likely will not come around to your side of the discussion. Look at the conversation as a way to share your views, not to convince anyone that your views are necessarily right.
Remember, you canât control what other people say, but you can control how you react. Being prepared for some uncomfortable discussions will help make your Thanksgiving celebration more joyful.